She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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