my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
