She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this just has baby written all over it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
