he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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