Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
