Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
