i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
