he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
