it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
