Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
