Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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