I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
