haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
