We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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