You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
