People in love make me want to vomit
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
