I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
