The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
