We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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