Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
