I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
