I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
