Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
