I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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