i may or may not be watching the land before time
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
