Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
