I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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