This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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