Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
