Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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