Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
