I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
