hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
being pregnant is like rehab
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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