i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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