i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
