You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
