On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
worst night to have a conscience
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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