Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck appropriateness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
