Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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