ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
