I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
