I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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