I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
