just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
