the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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