ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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