idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
