I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
