dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
