I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
