You can't motorboat a personality
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
