my vag is so smooth its legendary
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
someone owes me an orgasm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
