so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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