ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
