i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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