You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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