my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
