You can't motorboat a personality
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
