Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
