he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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