I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
