I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
