doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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