I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
