Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
