Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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