Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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