did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
