They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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